Resilience is a word many of us come across regularly, we are taught the importance of finding resilience when faced with adversity and society often exposes us to the importance of building this much-revered trait when faced with life’s uncertainties.
But what exactly does having resilience mean? And how do we really come to build it ourselves?
Resilience is not about a lack of difficult emotions and negative feelings; rather it is about how we manage those feelings – how we choose to cope in the moment and the implications of those choices. Attitude and thinking are paramount when faced with adversity, how we think about a situation will impact our feelings, our approach to the challenge, and, inevitably, how quickly we can navigate the storm and sail toward calmer waters.
For example, reflecting on one of life’s difficulties with a “Why me” stance - known as an RUT or Resilience Unhelpful Thought – is going to cause more distress than positioning your thinking in terms of “Why not me” – an RET, or Resilience Enhanced Thought. This immediately changes the relationship an individual has with the issue, leading them to a place of helpful acceptance. Thinking about challenges as opportunities to grow can also foster resilience. We can be led to assume that facing challenges is not something we want to invite into our lives, but thinking this way can create unhelpful behaviour such as avoiding pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone.
Because we know that thinking and attitude are paramount when it comes to building and maintaining resilience, we can work with clients to help them understand that resilience can grow and strengthen. It is not an inherent trait assigned at birth, but rather a skill to be honed and perfected throughout our lifetime. This knowledge alone often creates peace and a sense of hope when shared with those who think their resilience strategies are non-existent.
Whilst all of us will experience the need for resilience at some point in our lives, it is normal to find that our ability to adapt to a challenging situation can fluctuate depending on the circumstance, that is why it is even more important to understand precisely what is needed to find and connect to our inner resilience.
So, exactly how do thinking, attitude and behaviour enhance our ability to find resilience?
Relvich and Shatte (2002) list the following qualities as essential in the quest for resilience:
Good emotional regulation
Impulse Control
Optimism
Being able to conduct a causal analysis of the problem, identifying the root of the problem
Empathy
Self-efficacy
The ability to reach out for support
These are all important skills in the quest for greater resilience. But, whilst we can all build resilience in later life, (resilience is not fixed and people can “bounce forward” with the right support and access to cognitive tools), often learning and acquiring the cognitive and social skills needed to support this development as adults, it is helpful to note that resilience and our ability to handle challenges effectively can be heavily influenced by our environment in childhood.
Ann Masten (2013) describes the action of building resilience as ‘Ordinary Magic’; believing that to build resilience, children need positive environments, healthy attachment relationships and plenty of positive opportunities to be able to explore their world safely. When these are lacking it is more difficult for an individual to find the strength, hope and positivity they need to cope with adversity in both childhood and adulthood.
I work with clients using the INSIGHT model (Palmer and Panchal, 2011), this is a great tool for enabling clients to understand and embrace practical and cognitive ways they can help themselves in times of crisis. According to O’Riordan, Palmer and Panchal (2022), these include:
Increasing self-knowledge, reflecting on strengths and using them as a guide in difficult decision-making
Normalising emotions – we all feel a range of emotions when faced with adversity
Support positive coping – drawing on positive coping strategies that will be helpful
Integrate past, present and future – making relevant connections between important times in my life’s journey
Give time and space – allowing time for reflection during difficult times
Highlight broader context – establishing and understanding the influences around the
Tailor solutions – taking positive actions during adversity
In summary, resilience is an essential skill we all need to develop as we navigate the challenges of life – big or small. Educating clients about its fluidity and removing any misconceptions, builds hope and provides an important first step towards a more resilient approach to adversity.
References
Maston, Anne (2013) “But what is resilience?”. Available at https://ordinarymagic.co.uk/what-we-do (accessed 21 November 2024).
O’Riordan, S., Palmer, S., & Panchal, S. (2022). Using the INSIGHT framework to enhance resilience through coaching, coaching psychology, counselling and consultancy. Coaching Psychology International, 15, 1, 1-8. Available at https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Transition-Resilience-Strengths-C-2022-Centre-for-Positive-Transitions_fig2_372166393 (accessed 21 November 2024).
Palmer, S. & Panchal, S; (2011). Developmental Coaching: Life Transitions and Generational Perspective. Routledge.
Relvich, K; & Shatte, A. (2002). The Resilience Factor. Broadway books.
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